Bra Boo-Boo

The day was already weird enough; I witnessed a wife yelling at a husband and vice versa, a man that would not give up his seat to a woman with a walker on the streetcar(!) and after I received my grande latte a travesty of feminine fashion: the exposed bra strap.


Law: Underwear should be stored under your wear-ables.

Coffee should be half caff-decaf, not half caff-bra strap.

The exposed bra strap can turn a perfectly acceptable ensemble into its trashy cousin from Gresham. Considering all of the innovations in brassiere technology, an exposed undergarment should be rare; but straps, cups, hooks and slips scream at me everyday from ill-equipped women. Apparently many women are resistant to updating their underwear systems. Women update their outer wardrobe with the new ankle boot or the trendy cardigan, but somehow undergarments get brushed aside since "no one will see them." Ladies, I am seeing them all over town so your defense does not hold up in fashion court. If the problem is not function but a choice of fashion, then the mindset needs rebooting.

I know Carrie Bradshaw did the whole exposed bra strap look in "Sex and the City", but do we really want to emulate a 98 lb. drama queen that should have married Aidan back in Season 4? No. Not even the stylings of Patricia Field will change my mind about this subject.

With the summer winding down, this problem will slowly fade like clouds cover the sun. Shoulders and backs will succumb to the cold, but lurking just around the corner is another warm season, and another exposed bra strap.

Portland: Adjust your straps and your perspective.

Don't display your ass-ets

Every so often a designer makes it big--all the celebrities are wearing the clothes and the designer is receiving press. Then the lower-level, more attainable products come out; fragrances, t-shirts, jeans, bags. As a final ploy, a musician uses a designer name in song and then this happens:




Law: Logos are a no-no

I blame it on the parents and that "Apple Bottom Jeans" song.

The logos causing the biggest problems are designer logos; those from high-end fashion labels that unnecessarily and unapologetically find their way onto everything (If I see one more "Juicy" labeled bottom...) Some people believe logos indicate a level of sophistication, wealth, or popularity; to the contrary, I don't care how much you spent on that LouisVuitton purse, if it is swinging next to some $5 Hanes sweatpants, you might as well be carrying a garbage bag. Those who choose clothing and accessories for their design, construction and fit have less incentive to broadcast their labels because their clothes speak for themselves.

But some laws have a valid defense to the offense.

Defense: Function is fashionable

A logo that serves a function is a fashion-do. I will not criticize anyone for carrying the Chanel 2.55 with the double C clasp. That's a classic.



Portland: Keep it classy and leave the logos for later.

Not on Sunday

This weekend, my husband and I ventured down to Lake Oswego to visit family. While enjoying a latte at St. Honore with a view of the lake, beautiful trees beginning the transformation from summer to fall and a bustling art market, my eyes were jolted by the following sight; Barney-purple suede ankle boots and a bottom skimming (leather? pleather? vinyl?) micro miniskirt. Regardless of the fact that this particular woman should not be subjecting the public to that much thigh, a Sunday art market is nae the place for this look.

Law: Overexposure should be kept under-wraps

Is this a bad walk of shame or a tragically misinformed market-goer? Seeing as the area lacks nightclubs and Millennium Park is not a necessary travel path I will go with the latter. This woman woke up, selected these items from her closet and stood in front of a mirror and said "This outfit is entirely appropriate for an 11am stroll through a family friendly Sunday art market." Platform double suede should be reserved for lyrics in a Marcy's Playground song, not for showcasing on one's feet. I know that most of us view images of thigh baring celebrities everyday in magazines and on television, but most of us do not have the youth and diligence to achieve those flawless legs. I, for one, am not going to give up my croquettes to shorten my hemline another 4 inches. Portland (and surrounding suburbs), keep the exposure for home use or as part of your occupation (which I didn't explore if this look was an occupational necessity, but I don't even want to go there!).

Portland--start dressing appropriately (and underexposed)!
(photos should be coming next week, I just need to remember to carry my camera)

Hello Portland!

I have a lot of opinions about the way you dress in hopes of entertaining, educating and inspiring each and every one of you to strive for excellence in your personal style.  I intend this to be a weekly blog based on my observations of Portlanders in their natural habitats.  Since this is a fashion court, there are laws that determine when a person will be punished for their apparel misfortunes.  The first one is outlined and based completely on my personal opinion.

Law: Have a personal style

Though I don't have a specific violator in mind, I find this to be Portland's biggest downfall. 

Between bicycle riding, beer drinking and beard growing, the average citizen of our city does not give a second thought to the fabric that wraps their body.  And there is nothing wrong with that if you are in the process of bicycle riding, beer drinking or beard growing.  But so much life fills the gaps between those activities that one should be properly dressed for the occasion. Just think about what clothes will drape your body today and how you will be perceived as a result.  I don't care if your look is eastside hipster, northwest prep or downtown business, but pick a style and wear it your way.  As Marc Jacobs says "the biggest style mistake is not having one." (quoted from memory)

Portland--start dressing!